


So Be Brave

by gaymingtrash



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, F/M, Pining, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 19:04:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4448336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaymingtrash/pseuds/gaymingtrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders thinks about love, both present and past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Be Brave

Flirting was a cause of conflict for Anders in a way that it wasn’t really, for other people. In one way, he found it easy – people are beautiful, and they usually respond well to being told that. In another, he found difficulty. He was an apostate, and now, a possessed apostate. Anyone associating with him was at risk. He could certainly flirt with the best of them, but did he really want to encourage anything more serious?

Still, Hawke had always been… forward. What was it she had said early on? “That explains your sexy, tortured look”? She reminded him of the Warden-Commander, actually. He’d nursed a soft spot for her, but she was in love with an Antivan assassin. He supposed that you don’t really decide who you fall in love with – it just happens. 

And it seemed that was the position he was in now. Flirting with Hawke had been easy to start with – she was a beautiful woman, smart, witty. And she had always been flirtatious with him. More than that, she was able to look past his situation with Justice and see him for who he really was. But flirting is one thing, and feelings are another.

As soon as he was aware that she might be harbouring feelings for him, he had tried to put her off. “If you tie yourself to me, I’ll only hurt you,” he’d warned. He realised that the prospect of hurting her upset him more than he could possibly have imagined before, and relationships with him didn’t end well.

The Templars had used Karl to get to him – they made him tranquil, so that he would lure him into the chantry for capture. He didn’t know whether it hurt his heart more to see his past love tranquil, or to end his life in the mercy killing he’d requested. He hated that the Templars would do such a thing – make tranquil a mage who had passed his harrowing, all to capture another apostate? Or even to punish him for daring to be a mage who _loved_? No, he knew what hurt him most – knowing that Karl died unfeeling, unable to know the passion that they’d once shared for each other.

He didn’t think he could feel that way for another person again. But now… he was a fool. It was foolish to think anything could happen between him and Hawke. He loved her, though, he knew he loved her. She was the first thing he thought about on waking, and the last thing he thought about before he slept. He put himself in life-risking positions constantly just to spend time with her – and to know that he could heal her, if she needed. The thought of losing her, like he lost Karl – he couldn’t bear it. And she constantly walked into dangerous situations – travelling Lowtown at night, or through bandit-filled mountains. It was all he could do not to worry himself into a panic attack whenever she went out without him by her side.

He couldn’t be with her, though. She had standing in the city, a family, and her own safety to look after. He was a threat to all those things. As an apostate with a significant role in the mage underground, she could easily lose the city’s respect by associating with him. The loss of position would be detrimental to her family, and the risk of being captured and sent to the gallows would increase tenfold.

One day, ten years, a hundred years from now, someone like him could love someone like her, and there will be no Templars to tear them apart.

That day was not today.


End file.
